Film: Players
Director: Abbas-Mustan
Cast: Abhishek Bachchan, Bipasha Basu, Sonam Kapoor, Neil Nitin Mukesh, Bobby Deol, Sikander Kher, Omi Vaidya, Vinod Khanna
Rating: It’s so bad that it’s good!

I haven’t realy understood their (Abbas-Mustan’s) motivation behind making this movie or any other as for that matter. Let’s get into the whole process;

The Burmawala Bros. have money and they have no idea what to do with it. So, they plan to make a movie. Story is not their concern at all since their are many, piled up in a video library. They take out their check list which goes like:

  • Story from a Hollywood action thriller – Check
  • Innumerable twists – Check
  • Macho hero – Check
  • A side hero who’ll die – Check
  • Bipasha Basu’s hot number – Check
  • A love triangle or sometimes quadrangle – Check
  • Inane dialogues – Check
  • Pritam’s music – Check
  • A car chase – Check
  • A not so slick desi style dhishoom-dhishoom – Check
  • Johny Lever – Check
  • White clothes – Check
Going by these ingredients Players is a perfect film. It insults your intellect to the point that you are left with no other option but to enjoy it. The story goes like this; Charlie a CA who also is a smooth criminal steals necklaces from big stores and talks about the robberies in a most profound manner. He plans to steal the gold that’s been taken to Romania from Russia in a train. He gets a team of the best players with the help of his guru Victor Dada (an old and tired Vinod Khanna). So Charlie gets a Bipasha; a motor expert who can seduce the living hell out of any thing that moves, Sikander Kher; a bomb expert who is deaf, Omi Vaidya; a prosthetic expert with the weird 3 Idiots’ accent and Bobby Deol; an illusionist with broody expressions. The only player that’s left is the ‘best hacker of the world’ Spider (Neil Nitin Mukesh) whom no one can trace. Well, not really cos he is traced by Sonam Kapoor who incidentally is Victor’s daughter and an ethical hacker. They execute the robbery and are double crossed by Neil who tries to kill them all. Post interval the rest of them form a team against Spidey and take the revenge.
Now, logic doesn’t play much role here. A robbery timed for 10 minutes time stretches itself to 15 good minutes. The Russian general is seduced by Bipasha and dances on ‘mera joota hai japani’ with his pants off. Strangely he doesn’t find anything odd the next day when he wakes up from his unconsciousness. The most absurd part comes where Johny Lever, a car mechanic creates cars from the stolen gold within half an hour. If only Tata could hire a guy like that their production will increase 10 folds.
Acting department completely relies on Neil’s shoulders and he impresses with his mean act. He has a potential to fill the void in Hindi films created after villians like Amrish Puri and Gulshan Grover. Abhishek Bachchan looks…well…ugly. While Bipasha looks hot even in drabs, Sonam Kapoor tries hard to match up with her. Her seduction dance for Neil Nitin looks more of a mockery.
The film is an insult even to the masala genre. If you still want to watch it I recommend you go with cynics who would laugh at every scene and make you forget that its an ‘action thriller’.
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